Feedback on playing and log-ins: the peanut gallery

I see a lot of bandying about of this or that idea that might help in the short-term but I don't see the root issue being actively addressed. It's the elephant in the room. Few mention it because they're still invested in the game and don't want to be punished, and the rest are too tired of wasting their breath, or they've simply moved on and don't feel that it's worth even engaging with. I have time today. So what the heck, I'll step up.

gdb.armageddon.org/index.php/topic,57217.msg1076606.html#msg1076606

I posted that, and was encouraged to come back by a few people, to give the game a chance.

On deciding to give the game another chance, I immediately met with an issue where staff went back on a prior agreement, but I still figured out a way to adjust my character's story and return. I had fun for about a month, then was met with more abuse veiled in "professionalism" and hostile behavior across multiple channels, and when I brought it up, of course it was denied, and I was just being dramatic. The well was clearly poisoned against me by someone who had far more authority than I, a player, could counteract. So I left again.

Current policies and cultures of personality among some staff have created a cult-like atmosphere where players strive for staff approval while staff do not need to reciprocate in kind. I had genuine hopes for actual collaboration and two-way street communication, but every time I apologized for my frustrations (and frankly, some things I should not have apologized for, but I did so in the hopes of improving reconciliation and a better understanding moving forward). Instead, my apologies were weaponized against me. What fun.

I realize that most staff are well-meaning. That doesn't mean the rot isn't there.

The final straw came when a staff member who had been historically manipulative and had recently been rude to me across multiple channels responded to a request meant for someone else with a cherry-picked and brusque response to something I'd spent hours carefully putting together in hopes of assisting staff with a project they were clearly excited about. Most changes that staff member made were punitive, while other suggestions were ignored entirely. I had forgiven much of this staffer's abuse in the past (we're talking 20 years of history, both in game and without). I even stood up for that staff member when I felt they were unfairly accused, as lo and behold, I am capable of putting aside my dislike for someone and attempting to be as impartial as possible. But, at this point, I no longer wished to work with them again, I was tired of holding back the reasons why I felt that way, and I explained that in my subsequent response.

The response I got was that they were in the right, they were not going anywhere, I was throwing around "buzzwords", I was called "vicious", and my objections were further compared to me accusing staff of acting like serial killers and axe murderers.

At the time, I felt like I'd been gut-punched and was in tears, but distance has rendered that whole situation darkly hilarious. I was so desperate to find a way to continue playing, to "fix" things, that I was putting up with verbal and emotional abuse.

Thus it was proved to me, despite my initial hopes, that staff culture has not fundamentally changed, nor is it likely to.

So I ceased engaging, and I left.

I remember once, I'd put weeks of preparation into an RPT, gathered a good amount of people, and got the dreaded "light-show." I was disappointed and offered ways it could have been a more engaging scene for players if a similar situation arose in the future. I was told that I should be grateful we got that much as they considered having the RPT be a complete failure. That would have been the equivalent of standing around for real life hours, doing nothing, in the name of realism, in a game that is supposed to be ... fun?

In what world am I wrong to be frustrated with that sort of attitude and response?

Aside from the iron curtain and general staff-player relations, I think staff have also lost sight of two critical things: one, this is a roleplaying game that is meant to be fun, so focusing too much on policing realism and encouraging "harshness" detracts from that. There needs to be a balance between the world theme and the game remaining entertaining to play. Two, player effort doesn't seem to register. At all.

Yes staff put in a lot of effort too, but if something is exhausting a player who is trying their best to to shrug off frustrations so they can continue trying to create engaging stories and involve others, then maybe, just maybe, you should listen to that player's concerns and take them seriously so they don't end up imploding under the pressure of what is supposed to be a game. Too often, staff end up pushing players into the role of mini-staff, but without any of the tools staff get (and then wonder why "leadership roles" have such high turnover).


When you read a request, the ideal thought process should be, how can I support this player, and if their idea isn't workable, how can I convey that in a way that helps them understand the gameworld and encourages them to find another idea that is?

If your thought process is "ugh" and to want to toss a snarky remark and close the request, step down from staff. Yesterday.

The game is also far too siloed; players are judged poorly for wanting to interact, and many policies and documentations that go in place seems to encourage further separation. You have 4 people in a tavern, but one's an elf, one's a gemmed mage, one's a half-elf, and one's a human, and everyone's scared to interact with each other, because it might be bad roleplay, and staff might come down on them for the very human desire to entertain themselves in a roleplaying game. Yes, you can engage in conflict roleplay that remains OOCly fun, but that takes practice. It also takes veteran players to set a good example, but those players are increasingly driven away or become staff and rarely have time to do so. Finally, grimdark all the time without any levity and fun to balance it out makes for a depressing, boring time all around.

I realize all of this is wasted breath; I realize that nothing is likely to fundamentally change. Staff are too fixated on their harsh world, and too unwilling to admit culpability enough to enact real, effective and long-lasting policy and behavior change. Nice-sounding words will be bandied about, things might seem better for a while, but then we go right back to the same-old, same-old.

I've seen this happen over and over again for 20 years and after being force-stored while taking a break to let myself cool down and decide whether this game was still worth it, I can't see at all how you're going to repair all that repeatedly broken trust. It's no wonder to me that staff is focused on bringing in new blood instead, except those players aren't going to stick without solid veterans to draw them in.

Back to my own issues, and the reason why I and my husband aren't playing.

In a last-ditch effort to salvage matters, my husband sent in a request with his own concerns, carefully and diplomatically written, with a clear path toward resolution, should staff have taken him up on it. Instead, it was rebutted, and clear that entire swathes of the request were ignored; why that is, I can speculate, but that does nobody any good. All I know is the end result was both of us force-stored and two long-time veterans, who are without a doubt solid roleplayers who are good at catching, carrying, and creating plots, have stopped playing. ("Oh, it's not force storage, you're welcome to ask for them back" -- except we did not ask for or want our characters stored, ergo, that is the definition of force storage. Claiming it was not force storage is a great example of weasel words to justify bad behavior.)

I can think of at least two other veterans who had similar experiences and offered equal or greater value to the game, who also left.

Until staff takes a hard look at their own house and cleans it out of abusive, cynical behavior, and until behavior shifts toward enabling and collaborating rather than policing, nothing will get better long-term, and the game will continue to stagnate and suffer.

It's a shame. I do genuinely hope to see the game recover. I hold no malice toward the game or even toward the staff; even the one who was so abusive toward me clearly needs help IRL and hopefully will, someday, receive it, and take accountability for their behavior.

For a while, I thought that at least I could provide entertainment for other players and try not to engage with staff, but that kept proving to be a fool's hope, and it came to a point where I felt irresponsible if I kept trying to draw other players into the game's current culture.

I've told many stories that I will cherish, but considering all of the above, I won't be back unless things actually get better.

In the meantime I'll be channeling my creativity in other ways, and I won't be holding my breath.