Post by punished ppurg on Feb 24, 2023 19:22:18 GMT -5
Since the registration for the boards are closed, and Bebop is unable to post the link: I am going to take the liberty of duplicating the message in this thread.
drive.google.com/file/d/19iaFLJgmK3Nm9WCLbJ3Q-TyEQzyesMrA/view
Another Armageddon Catastrophe
After playing Armageddon for seventeen years it’s officially time for me to hang up my chalton hide boots. I’m writing this post to hold myself accountable, and I’m posting it in various places including the MUD Reddit.
I’m writing this post for two reasons. One, is to hold me accountable, so that I never return. When staff sees this I assume I will forever be unwelcome which will take the choice out of my hands, in addition to keeping me personally accountable. And two, most importantly, I am writing this so that other female or underage players do not get exposed to inappropriate behavior both online and in real life by this community.
I’ve avoided doing this for years for two reasons. One, I feared real life retaliation such as the stalking I experienced that we’ll soon discuss. Two, game related retaliation where I would be labeled as a “bad” member of the community and an unwanted player. As much strife as Armageddon has caused me it’s had wonderful moments that I’ve enjoyed and I always wanted to walk out that door leaving it cracked. This time is different. I won’t be returning. This door is closing for good.
Although I’m inclined to give my whole life story here, I’m going to refrain from doing that. And, I practically could give that history too because I’ve been playing this game my entire adult life with intermittent breaks spanning from 1-6 years at a time. That being said, this won’t be the shortest post you’ll ever read. And I will have receipts.
Over the past few years playing (for me) has become the exception while spans of not playing were the rule. Each time the hiatus seems to grow, and the spans I can bear to play alternatively are shorter. I have experienced so much underhanded behavior by staff and it has ruined my experience so many times. In my last staff complaint, I began to realize that this was occurring with so much frequency and so much severity, I had to take a long look and wonder why I play a game in which I experience so much abuse from the community.
In recent years I have had horrible experiences including staff intervening to run my character under the bus. I had a sixteen year old girl character who was publicly stripped naked and flayed with a barbed whip for simply asking to leave the Byn. No one asked for my consent for torture. The scene left me feeling noxious. Staff’s reply was that a character being stripped naked and publicly flayed didn’t constitute as torture.
I later would find out that while playing my Fale, Rohatiph, (aka Vice my own staffer was ERPing with her) and then avoiding her manipulations because he knew of them out of character. Later, my Borsail Vangelis would be stored after another player harassed her in character and me out of character using sexist language all of the while - with no staff support. It is also worth mentioning that when I played Ro my staffer animated an NPC noble and role played placing beads in her vagina (sounds weird, it’s true.) She was subsequently late to a major event and excluded from it. This is after another staff member had exposed some of her political machinations with an NPC from the jump, leaving her to be harassed and humiliated for the entire real life year I committed to her.
Time and again, I have experienced odd behaviors from staff that have outright ruined long lived and sponsored roles. However, that’s not even the focal point of this post. It gets so much worse.
What I want to highlight is the experience I recently had in the game (which is the worst I’ve ever experienced) and two key points that overlapped to make it so extraordinarily bad that I can’t see myself returning to this game that I have loved for almost two decades.
I recently played a Tuluki Faithful called Altair Tenneshi. I played the character for six months and things were going awry from the beginning. I was brought into the game in under an hour without any guidance. The other player of the other Faithful at the time showed me around and helped me to settle in since staff had no time. Over the course of that six months a few major things began to happen -
● I had to beg for any additional skills, despite being told my performance was (and I quote) “stellar” and that these skills were based on time committed and not performance. Meanwhile, the other Templar who is played by a male was getting promotions every six weeks, while I got one every two - three months.
● When I questioned this I was told it was because I didn’t play as much. Which, I admit, especially in a long term leadership role I do try to have healthy boundaries. I try not to play all day and night. I try to take days to regroup and not play. But this all came to a head when I took a mere 5 days because I was having a medical procedure.
● Despite posting on the absence boards and informing my staff member over Discord I was constantly asked after that if I even wanted to continue on. I kept reinforcing that I did indeed. However, this was later used to simply keep my templar behind the other in skill additions.
● Here’s the crux --- a couple of months in, I began to notice with the psionic powers given to me that a certain character named Kitanius Valika seemed to know my every move. When I would be “beefing” with a character he would seamlessly hop into the mind of that character and belittle my character, egg them on and do whatever he could to get them on his side. His comments began to verge on rapey. Saying my character, “Liked it rough,” and if she was fucked well enough she would “Open her sleepy eyes.”
Point number three became so jarring that I told my staff member I was concerned this player was Shalooonsh. We had a long conversation in which Wychokka (who was very helpful to me) could neither confirm nor deny this. I was asked if I wanted to store. I once again felt like even though I was giving a character my all it was either be harassed, be led on by a staff avatar, or be stored. I chose to stick it out, but it continued to escalate.
As many players know, staff issued an apology recently this February about an incident in which they sent a player into nearly unwinnable odds. That character was my templar Altair.
The staff decided to run a plot where there was a copper mine near Luir’s. The staff set up an encampment on Tuluk’s behalf and then forced the templar’s to occupy it though we weren’t allowed to engage at all and had no direct orders. Rumors were then sent to the GMH that we were capturing people. This is without the PC knowledge of the Templars.
The night my character died, I wished up, as I had been doing for days, asking for guidance. My character was more espionage than combat based. The strategy I had chosen was that if the other Templar that oversaw the Fangs and had a special weapon was going to go out and run the camp, I would stay back to do reconnaissance from afar. However, that night, the player was unable to log in. They had informed staff they didn’t have much availability that night.
I wished up again and told staff, hey I’m going to withdraw. We don’t have a good strategy or support. This is just a snippet of that conversation. Again, I am confident I have receipts to back up every single thing I’m saying here.
You send this message to the staff:
"Since I'm not sure what to do offensively, I'm thinking about going to get the Araba and the PCs out of there so Tuluk doesn't lose all of our PC population."
I was then told not to withdraw my men and that I needed to wait for my staff member to log on.
When they did a couple of hours later (in the form of an Illuminated aka Tuluk’s Black Robe) they told me I had to return to the camp. Reluctantly, I agreed. I again asked them what I was supposed to actually be doing. Again I was told blocking the camp but not engaging it. It was clear from the back and forth the staff member didn’t know what we had been up to or even where the camp was.
I ordered our soldiers to come back and get me. They arrived at dusk. I told them we’d leave in the morning after we got our bearings. I rushed to the gates because they were being chased. The soldiers went off to prepare. However, before anyone could debrief me, staff hopped back into the Illuminated and insisted we leave now, immediately. I had no time to prepare, no time time to be debriefed. I was told there was “some bashurit on the road.” Spoiler alert, major understatement.
I didn’t even have a mount. A soldier gave me an extra. The staff loaded up two units (one of which was rag tag) and sent me out in a complete flurry of confusion. I didn’t even know what the units were being loaded for except to transfer to the camp.
The “bashurit” on the road. Were actually about four cavalry unit NPCs. Howls (the leader of the Masterless that’s a fully maxed magicker), a mul, multiple dwarves and half-giants, and - you guessed it - bashurit! Needless to say my character was knocked unconscious in one hit (even with exceptional endurance) and killed in the next. The soldiers arrived at dusk, three of us were dead by late night. The NPC units I was given were gone in seconds. It was ridiculous. I felt like a complete pawn.
Needless to say, I was absolutely furious. Not only had I not started this plot, I hadn’t wanted to engage. All of my IG strategy and work for six months, all of my OOC hesitation was ignored. Staff sent me into not a “nearly unwinnable” situation but a completely ludicrous situation with no information or time to prepare and no respect for the OOC time commitment I had made to play a leader. Despite Tuluk having the biggest virtual army, a small race of mutants supposedly on the verge of being wiped out overran us with an ease that was laughable. I’m talking seconds. Also nevermind my character had attempted to negotiate a friendly neutrality with both the Bashurit and Masterless. Doesn’t do much when the hate for Tuluk was baked in and people just want to PK.
Staff then set up my character’s death to be a laughing stock all across the game. Great.
After a complaint, and some tense back and forth, staff apologized and said they would give me a new templar. But then that turned into, you can have it in a month or two. That then turned into you can have it but you’ll be starting from scratch.
Not really sure what to do in the interim I made a few throwaways, and just felt really off. I also learned in that time that what I feared was true - Shalooonsh was playing Kitanius. I confronted him about it and he admitted it. There will be screenshots. Full disclosure, I did say I wouldn’t say anything so this is me unfortunately breaking my word. But it was a really uncomfortable situation (one of many) and the more I considered it the more it didn’t sit right with me.
So what does this mean? It means that staff are telling players that staff do not occupy sponsored roles. That if they do, they certainly don’t do it long term. And that noble role calls are mundane role calls. Yet, Kitanius was a sorcerer, a staff member, and had occupied that role for over 10 IG years. During that time, he was logged on with his staff account while simultaneously playing the character to metagame in real time. His player was amongst the first to meet the Bashurit. The ones who murdered my character. And he was the staffer of the Bashurit. A conflict of interest? I think so. Just slightly.
If you don’t know, and it feels like everybody knows, when I was 23 years old, Shalooonsh used his staff knowledge to find out who I was, locate me on Facebook and pursue me. I had always hated Malifaxis (his player name) who had bullied me several times. But since he suddenly had an interest in me he began pursuing that with flattery, gifts, etc. He was 12 years my senior and I was a very young, naive and admittedly at the time a broken person who did not yet know how to handle their CPTSD.
What ensued was a short, whirlwind year that was humiliating and awful. I was cheated on. Shoved. Stolen from. I found out his ex wife was sixteen when he started dating her and he was in his thirties. She also accused him of introducing her to drugs and cocaine. I got out of the relationship quickly which was when my savings was taken, around twelve hundred dollars. I was stalked to the point I had to threaten to take legal action. I quit the game for six years.
While I am not completely blameless in this situation, the gateway to it was Armageddon and abuse of staff knowledge by someone who was 12 years my senior.
When I came back, I was shocked to see he was back on staff. And I immediately said I did not want to talk about personal matters, but I noticed that character after character of his continued to gravitate around and influence mine.
At one point, my best friend (Belgiokiss, if you remember her) came back to the game after years and years. She posted a pic of us together and Shaloonsh lost it and messaged her on Discord. She blocked him. He then, as one does? Found her husband on Facebook complaining about “pissing her off” and her blocking him but saying to let her know if she wants any special Armageddon roles and to come back. To me, this is clear evidence of an individual once again using staff influence in a game to manipulate women and harass them.
At the time, I still lived in the same city as Shalooonsh. I was uncomfortable sending something over request, so I submitted a complaint to Draugr and Nessalin via Discord with screenshots of his offers to my friend after tracking her down when she tried to avoid him. I still have those screenshots and will be posting them.
Nothing was done.
So where does this leave me? I’m supposed to be able to resume a Templar role here in the next couple of weeks. (That’s obviously not going to happen after this post) However, I was recently slapped on the wrist for trying to play in Tuluk again after a month-long hiatus while I waited for this new templar. I’m not going to go into all of the details, but needless to say staff accused me that “I should have known better” to play in Tuluk again, despite giving me no such guidance. I was left in a very weird lurch due to this “apology.” I had assured many that staff were doing right by me, and of course it was going sideways with a bunch of weird stipulations.
I’m not going to lie. I cried in the gym and all the way home. It was just too much. From losing my character, to my creepy ex still stalking me a decade later. I had tried to put in a complaint and staff basically shut me down and said they felt sorry for me but personal disputes weren’t an in-game complaint. And now, despite having been dedicated to my role and trying to work things out within the community the staff were still just so unfriendly and harsh.
At that point, I started to wonder, genuinely, what am I doing in this community. Why am I tolerating this abuse? As I told them, this “apology” felt more like a punishment. I’ve now been left on read for four days or so? With no guidance as to if I should store, play a different role? So I’m taking it into my own hands. Enough is enough.
And after many days of thinking about it - this is the conclusion I’ve come to. To post this and leave. Staff keep asking how they can retain players. This is why they can’t. I’ll be leaving, my husband (also in a small leadership role) will be leaving too.
Games are supposed to be fun. Staff have had the chance again and again to clear the swamp and change culturally. They don’t. They continue to enforce archaic rules of secrecy to enable this kind of abuse that can have a real impact on people’s lives. I know I am one of at least half a dozen women (nonbinary) people who have come forward about Shalooonsh’s behavior. At some point staff are going to have to realize this is not just a coincidence and they are sheltering a predator.
I will say, in all of this, I believe Halaster to be the one trying. He’s reactive sometimes, as we all are, but I do believe he’s genuinely trying. I think Shabago, to a lesser degree, is too. But he’s temperamental and seems to carry resentment for players now having been on staff for so long. But no one wants to give up control and do a cultural reset. Instead of healthy players and people, they’re choosing predators.
I could go on a whole other diatribe about how the game culture could have changed to enable people that want to be part of a fun community, but this post was to tell my story. That’s it. I’m not expending any more energy on Armageddon right now.
If the staff ever want to genuinely try to do right by me instead of hiding behind the veil and protecting the abuser in their ranks, I’m open to listening. But just gaslighting me to the point I am literally in tears is not how this should have been handled at any angle.
I’m a good player that didn’t deserve it. I wanted to keep being a part of this game. I didn’t post these screenshots back in 2020. I didn’t start an issue. I tried again and again to resolve it within the community I loved. I tried turning the other cheek, looking past it and so on. But there’s a theme here. Just constant use of emotional energy.
At this point, to protect other players, I’m putting my story and screenshots out there. I feel a safe enough distance to spare myself from further real life harassment, and I’m in a good place in my life where the game was a fun extension but by far a necessity.
So that’s it guys. If you need further clarification I’ll be around. Shade.
Shaloonsh admitting he’s Kitanius:
Shaloonsh messaging my friend’s husband on Facebook after she tried to block him:
A log from the moment staff deemed “not torture” and no consent required - keep in mind my character is also publicly naked at this point too.
The lean, green-eyed man takes a breath, after the second lash lands, then draws back for another, features set in a stern grimace as he lashes you.
71/106/4671/106/46
The lean, green-eyed man raises a wickedly barbed whip and lashes out at you.
*CRACK* Fiery pain dizzies you as the blow savages your back.
67/106/18
The swarthy, elegant-featured youth lets out an ear pierce, blood curdling scream as a whip lands into her back and the barbs tear her flesh open as a whip lands into her back and the barbs tear her flesh open.
This was their response:
drive.google.com/file/d/19iaFLJgmK3Nm9WCLbJ3Q-TyEQzyesMrA/view
Another Armageddon Catastrophe
After playing Armageddon for seventeen years it’s officially time for me to hang up my chalton hide boots. I’m writing this post to hold myself accountable, and I’m posting it in various places including the MUD Reddit.
I’m writing this post for two reasons. One, is to hold me accountable, so that I never return. When staff sees this I assume I will forever be unwelcome which will take the choice out of my hands, in addition to keeping me personally accountable. And two, most importantly, I am writing this so that other female or underage players do not get exposed to inappropriate behavior both online and in real life by this community.
I’ve avoided doing this for years for two reasons. One, I feared real life retaliation such as the stalking I experienced that we’ll soon discuss. Two, game related retaliation where I would be labeled as a “bad” member of the community and an unwanted player. As much strife as Armageddon has caused me it’s had wonderful moments that I’ve enjoyed and I always wanted to walk out that door leaving it cracked. This time is different. I won’t be returning. This door is closing for good.
Although I’m inclined to give my whole life story here, I’m going to refrain from doing that. And, I practically could give that history too because I’ve been playing this game my entire adult life with intermittent breaks spanning from 1-6 years at a time. That being said, this won’t be the shortest post you’ll ever read. And I will have receipts.
Over the past few years playing (for me) has become the exception while spans of not playing were the rule. Each time the hiatus seems to grow, and the spans I can bear to play alternatively are shorter. I have experienced so much underhanded behavior by staff and it has ruined my experience so many times. In my last staff complaint, I began to realize that this was occurring with so much frequency and so much severity, I had to take a long look and wonder why I play a game in which I experience so much abuse from the community.
In recent years I have had horrible experiences including staff intervening to run my character under the bus. I had a sixteen year old girl character who was publicly stripped naked and flayed with a barbed whip for simply asking to leave the Byn. No one asked for my consent for torture. The scene left me feeling noxious. Staff’s reply was that a character being stripped naked and publicly flayed didn’t constitute as torture.
I later would find out that while playing my Fale, Rohatiph, (aka Vice my own staffer was ERPing with her) and then avoiding her manipulations because he knew of them out of character. Later, my Borsail Vangelis would be stored after another player harassed her in character and me out of character using sexist language all of the while - with no staff support. It is also worth mentioning that when I played Ro my staffer animated an NPC noble and role played placing beads in her vagina (sounds weird, it’s true.) She was subsequently late to a major event and excluded from it. This is after another staff member had exposed some of her political machinations with an NPC from the jump, leaving her to be harassed and humiliated for the entire real life year I committed to her.
Time and again, I have experienced odd behaviors from staff that have outright ruined long lived and sponsored roles. However, that’s not even the focal point of this post. It gets so much worse.
What I want to highlight is the experience I recently had in the game (which is the worst I’ve ever experienced) and two key points that overlapped to make it so extraordinarily bad that I can’t see myself returning to this game that I have loved for almost two decades.
I recently played a Tuluki Faithful called Altair Tenneshi. I played the character for six months and things were going awry from the beginning. I was brought into the game in under an hour without any guidance. The other player of the other Faithful at the time showed me around and helped me to settle in since staff had no time. Over the course of that six months a few major things began to happen -
● I had to beg for any additional skills, despite being told my performance was (and I quote) “stellar” and that these skills were based on time committed and not performance. Meanwhile, the other Templar who is played by a male was getting promotions every six weeks, while I got one every two - three months.
● When I questioned this I was told it was because I didn’t play as much. Which, I admit, especially in a long term leadership role I do try to have healthy boundaries. I try not to play all day and night. I try to take days to regroup and not play. But this all came to a head when I took a mere 5 days because I was having a medical procedure.
● Despite posting on the absence boards and informing my staff member over Discord I was constantly asked after that if I even wanted to continue on. I kept reinforcing that I did indeed. However, this was later used to simply keep my templar behind the other in skill additions.
● Here’s the crux --- a couple of months in, I began to notice with the psionic powers given to me that a certain character named Kitanius Valika seemed to know my every move. When I would be “beefing” with a character he would seamlessly hop into the mind of that character and belittle my character, egg them on and do whatever he could to get them on his side. His comments began to verge on rapey. Saying my character, “Liked it rough,” and if she was fucked well enough she would “Open her sleepy eyes.”
Point number three became so jarring that I told my staff member I was concerned this player was Shalooonsh. We had a long conversation in which Wychokka (who was very helpful to me) could neither confirm nor deny this. I was asked if I wanted to store. I once again felt like even though I was giving a character my all it was either be harassed, be led on by a staff avatar, or be stored. I chose to stick it out, but it continued to escalate.
As many players know, staff issued an apology recently this February about an incident in which they sent a player into nearly unwinnable odds. That character was my templar Altair.
The staff decided to run a plot where there was a copper mine near Luir’s. The staff set up an encampment on Tuluk’s behalf and then forced the templar’s to occupy it though we weren’t allowed to engage at all and had no direct orders. Rumors were then sent to the GMH that we were capturing people. This is without the PC knowledge of the Templars.
The night my character died, I wished up, as I had been doing for days, asking for guidance. My character was more espionage than combat based. The strategy I had chosen was that if the other Templar that oversaw the Fangs and had a special weapon was going to go out and run the camp, I would stay back to do reconnaissance from afar. However, that night, the player was unable to log in. They had informed staff they didn’t have much availability that night.
I wished up again and told staff, hey I’m going to withdraw. We don’t have a good strategy or support. This is just a snippet of that conversation. Again, I am confident I have receipts to back up every single thing I’m saying here.
You send this message to the staff:
"Since I'm not sure what to do offensively, I'm thinking about going to get the Araba and the PCs out of there so Tuluk doesn't lose all of our PC population."
I was then told not to withdraw my men and that I needed to wait for my staff member to log on.
When they did a couple of hours later (in the form of an Illuminated aka Tuluk’s Black Robe) they told me I had to return to the camp. Reluctantly, I agreed. I again asked them what I was supposed to actually be doing. Again I was told blocking the camp but not engaging it. It was clear from the back and forth the staff member didn’t know what we had been up to or even where the camp was.
I ordered our soldiers to come back and get me. They arrived at dusk. I told them we’d leave in the morning after we got our bearings. I rushed to the gates because they were being chased. The soldiers went off to prepare. However, before anyone could debrief me, staff hopped back into the Illuminated and insisted we leave now, immediately. I had no time to prepare, no time time to be debriefed. I was told there was “some bashurit on the road.” Spoiler alert, major understatement.
I didn’t even have a mount. A soldier gave me an extra. The staff loaded up two units (one of which was rag tag) and sent me out in a complete flurry of confusion. I didn’t even know what the units were being loaded for except to transfer to the camp.
The “bashurit” on the road. Were actually about four cavalry unit NPCs. Howls (the leader of the Masterless that’s a fully maxed magicker), a mul, multiple dwarves and half-giants, and - you guessed it - bashurit! Needless to say my character was knocked unconscious in one hit (even with exceptional endurance) and killed in the next. The soldiers arrived at dusk, three of us were dead by late night. The NPC units I was given were gone in seconds. It was ridiculous. I felt like a complete pawn.
Needless to say, I was absolutely furious. Not only had I not started this plot, I hadn’t wanted to engage. All of my IG strategy and work for six months, all of my OOC hesitation was ignored. Staff sent me into not a “nearly unwinnable” situation but a completely ludicrous situation with no information or time to prepare and no respect for the OOC time commitment I had made to play a leader. Despite Tuluk having the biggest virtual army, a small race of mutants supposedly on the verge of being wiped out overran us with an ease that was laughable. I’m talking seconds. Also nevermind my character had attempted to negotiate a friendly neutrality with both the Bashurit and Masterless. Doesn’t do much when the hate for Tuluk was baked in and people just want to PK.
Staff then set up my character’s death to be a laughing stock all across the game. Great.
After a complaint, and some tense back and forth, staff apologized and said they would give me a new templar. But then that turned into, you can have it in a month or two. That then turned into you can have it but you’ll be starting from scratch.
Not really sure what to do in the interim I made a few throwaways, and just felt really off. I also learned in that time that what I feared was true - Shalooonsh was playing Kitanius. I confronted him about it and he admitted it. There will be screenshots. Full disclosure, I did say I wouldn’t say anything so this is me unfortunately breaking my word. But it was a really uncomfortable situation (one of many) and the more I considered it the more it didn’t sit right with me.
So what does this mean? It means that staff are telling players that staff do not occupy sponsored roles. That if they do, they certainly don’t do it long term. And that noble role calls are mundane role calls. Yet, Kitanius was a sorcerer, a staff member, and had occupied that role for over 10 IG years. During that time, he was logged on with his staff account while simultaneously playing the character to metagame in real time. His player was amongst the first to meet the Bashurit. The ones who murdered my character. And he was the staffer of the Bashurit. A conflict of interest? I think so. Just slightly.
If you don’t know, and it feels like everybody knows, when I was 23 years old, Shalooonsh used his staff knowledge to find out who I was, locate me on Facebook and pursue me. I had always hated Malifaxis (his player name) who had bullied me several times. But since he suddenly had an interest in me he began pursuing that with flattery, gifts, etc. He was 12 years my senior and I was a very young, naive and admittedly at the time a broken person who did not yet know how to handle their CPTSD.
What ensued was a short, whirlwind year that was humiliating and awful. I was cheated on. Shoved. Stolen from. I found out his ex wife was sixteen when he started dating her and he was in his thirties. She also accused him of introducing her to drugs and cocaine. I got out of the relationship quickly which was when my savings was taken, around twelve hundred dollars. I was stalked to the point I had to threaten to take legal action. I quit the game for six years.
While I am not completely blameless in this situation, the gateway to it was Armageddon and abuse of staff knowledge by someone who was 12 years my senior.
When I came back, I was shocked to see he was back on staff. And I immediately said I did not want to talk about personal matters, but I noticed that character after character of his continued to gravitate around and influence mine.
At one point, my best friend (Belgiokiss, if you remember her) came back to the game after years and years. She posted a pic of us together and Shaloonsh lost it and messaged her on Discord. She blocked him. He then, as one does? Found her husband on Facebook complaining about “pissing her off” and her blocking him but saying to let her know if she wants any special Armageddon roles and to come back. To me, this is clear evidence of an individual once again using staff influence in a game to manipulate women and harass them.
At the time, I still lived in the same city as Shalooonsh. I was uncomfortable sending something over request, so I submitted a complaint to Draugr and Nessalin via Discord with screenshots of his offers to my friend after tracking her down when she tried to avoid him. I still have those screenshots and will be posting them.
Nothing was done.
So where does this leave me? I’m supposed to be able to resume a Templar role here in the next couple of weeks. (That’s obviously not going to happen after this post) However, I was recently slapped on the wrist for trying to play in Tuluk again after a month-long hiatus while I waited for this new templar. I’m not going to go into all of the details, but needless to say staff accused me that “I should have known better” to play in Tuluk again, despite giving me no such guidance. I was left in a very weird lurch due to this “apology.” I had assured many that staff were doing right by me, and of course it was going sideways with a bunch of weird stipulations.
I’m not going to lie. I cried in the gym and all the way home. It was just too much. From losing my character, to my creepy ex still stalking me a decade later. I had tried to put in a complaint and staff basically shut me down and said they felt sorry for me but personal disputes weren’t an in-game complaint. And now, despite having been dedicated to my role and trying to work things out within the community the staff were still just so unfriendly and harsh.
At that point, I started to wonder, genuinely, what am I doing in this community. Why am I tolerating this abuse? As I told them, this “apology” felt more like a punishment. I’ve now been left on read for four days or so? With no guidance as to if I should store, play a different role? So I’m taking it into my own hands. Enough is enough.
And after many days of thinking about it - this is the conclusion I’ve come to. To post this and leave. Staff keep asking how they can retain players. This is why they can’t. I’ll be leaving, my husband (also in a small leadership role) will be leaving too.
Games are supposed to be fun. Staff have had the chance again and again to clear the swamp and change culturally. They don’t. They continue to enforce archaic rules of secrecy to enable this kind of abuse that can have a real impact on people’s lives. I know I am one of at least half a dozen women (nonbinary) people who have come forward about Shalooonsh’s behavior. At some point staff are going to have to realize this is not just a coincidence and they are sheltering a predator.
I will say, in all of this, I believe Halaster to be the one trying. He’s reactive sometimes, as we all are, but I do believe he’s genuinely trying. I think Shabago, to a lesser degree, is too. But he’s temperamental and seems to carry resentment for players now having been on staff for so long. But no one wants to give up control and do a cultural reset. Instead of healthy players and people, they’re choosing predators.
I could go on a whole other diatribe about how the game culture could have changed to enable people that want to be part of a fun community, but this post was to tell my story. That’s it. I’m not expending any more energy on Armageddon right now.
If the staff ever want to genuinely try to do right by me instead of hiding behind the veil and protecting the abuser in their ranks, I’m open to listening. But just gaslighting me to the point I am literally in tears is not how this should have been handled at any angle.
I’m a good player that didn’t deserve it. I wanted to keep being a part of this game. I didn’t post these screenshots back in 2020. I didn’t start an issue. I tried again and again to resolve it within the community I loved. I tried turning the other cheek, looking past it and so on. But there’s a theme here. Just constant use of emotional energy.
At this point, to protect other players, I’m putting my story and screenshots out there. I feel a safe enough distance to spare myself from further real life harassment, and I’m in a good place in my life where the game was a fun extension but by far a necessity.
So that’s it guys. If you need further clarification I’ll be around. Shade.
Shaloonsh admitting he’s Kitanius:
Shaloonsh messaging my friend’s husband on Facebook after she tried to block him:
A log from the moment staff deemed “not torture” and no consent required - keep in mind my character is also publicly naked at this point too.
The lean, green-eyed man takes a breath, after the second lash lands, then draws back for another, features set in a stern grimace as he lashes you.
71/106/4671/106/46
The lean, green-eyed man raises a wickedly barbed whip and lashes out at you.
*CRACK* Fiery pain dizzies you as the blow savages your back.
67/106/18
The swarthy, elegant-featured youth lets out an ear pierce, blood curdling scream as a whip lands into her back and the barbs tear her flesh open as a whip lands into her back and the barbs tear her flesh open.
This was their response:
There's been some good discussion back and forth behind the scenes about where to draw the line between "a beating" and "torture that would require consent".
According to 'help consent' you only require consent for:
~ 'adult situations' - in this case, this means mudsex or explicit activity of a sexual nature.
~ mutilation that causes a character to lose their ability to function in some way - with a declining to consent being instead a consent to instead die - staff can support this.
~ a 'graphic sequence' - which is a bit vague, but I interpret to be any gratuitous act of explicit violence that exists only revel in said violence and focuses wholly on that violence - which covers things that might not impede function, but are still mutilate their victim - carving off ears, fingers, etc.
While we are taking a look at tidying up the help consent file to clarify, we don't feel that coded activity in the game (outside of certain scripts), requires consent.
According to 'help consent' you only require consent for:
~ 'adult situations' - in this case, this means mudsex or explicit activity of a sexual nature.
~ mutilation that causes a character to lose their ability to function in some way - with a declining to consent being instead a consent to instead die - staff can support this.
~ a 'graphic sequence' - which is a bit vague, but I interpret to be any gratuitous act of explicit violence that exists only revel in said violence and focuses wholly on that violence - which covers things that might not impede function, but are still mutilate their victim - carving off ears, fingers, etc.
While we are taking a look at tidying up the help consent file to clarify, we don't feel that coded activity in the game (outside of certain scripts), requires consent.
