Post by nergal on Jan 14, 2020 13:18:56 GMT -5
I'd like to talk a bit about my experience on staff.
I was first invited to join the staff team while playing Raleris. If I recall correctly, it was Adhira who reached out to me and said I'm a good player and that I would make a good staff member. I thanked her for the compliment but declined to join the team because I was still in the midst of playing Raleris, still having a decent amount of fun with him, and wanted to finish his story out properly.
A few RL years later, Raleris reached the Nice age of 69, had all poor stats and 40 HP. Also House Winrothol's docs state the older Winrothols are generally mentally unstable, and I used think/feel to give him flashbacks of all the combat he got into as well as visions of his long-dead lover, as well as Muk Utep. It got to a natural point where he should probably pass away. And coincidentally, there was a call for staff at the time. So I applied, arranged his assassination by an Allanaki NPC with the staff, and by the time I was a storyteller I was able to watch Raleris's memorial service in the Sanctuary.
Naturally, due to my extensive experience with Tuluk, I was first assigned in that clan group, as a storyteller over the Legions. I provided some mild support there with Rathustra as my very enthusiastic administrator. But it only took a few months in that position before we were told by the Producers at the time that Tuluk would close. I was wary of closing an entire section of the game not only because I liked what Tuluk could be, but because that's usually the harbinger of decline for a roleplaying MUD. But beyond expressing my opinions on the matter, I lacked any real ability to argue about it. And so I assisted in the plotline surrounding Tuluk's eventual explosion of the interservice rivalry between the recently merged Jihaens and Lirathans that led to mind controlled people and the closure of Tuluk.
With the Tuluk team now nonexistent, I was moved to the GMH team. As I recall, Welda was my admin and I was storyteller for Kurac. I tried to empower the players in Kurac by making Ruke a lieutenant and giving a path for adoption into the House to Deidra. Given my unhealthily high activity levels staffside I was picked to replace Welda when they retired from staff, and with new staff rounds Cayuga and Ath were eventually on my team. I learned quickly that we were stretched pretty thinly and continued to serve in a storyteller capacity while admining, which was difficult. The storytellers under me also had to work with multiple clans. As an admin of the GMH team, my focus was on trying to set up conflict based on control of natural resources. Because Kurac was extremely strong in a code/combat sense, these projects necessarily had to saddle them with some sort of diplomatic disadvantage that the Agents and Fist leaders would have to close the gap on. On the other hand, Salarr and Kadius had the advantage of diplomatic channels in Allanak but no military force. So the three houses would have to find ways to compete for the resources. Unfortunately, many players weren't too interested, and those who were shut other people out of such plots. This continued as I became a Producer and continued trying to support these kinds of plots.
Incidentally, as a storyteller and as an admin I became increasingly aware that many people joined the staff team for the purposes of self-enrichment. Rather than helping out with the game they appeared to be more interested in the power that being on staff afforded them. Being able to watch anything anywhere (while playing, if you're an admin, or between play sessions if you're a storyteller), having karma, being able to create 5 mortal characters at a time, and so on all concerned me as avenues of corruption on the staff team. I was also concerned by staff favoritism toward players since this created cliques of players and staff that put a stranglehold on control over player-led and heavily staff-assisted plots; so-called "favorites" were getting approved for plot support on matters that other players had been previously denied for in similar circumstances, so I assumed the only difference was the player and the staff member they were asking.
Rathustra and I talked about which of us would become Producer to fill a vacancy. I think Rathustra's a good guy, pretty chill and very creative, and while he didn't outright say so I got the sense that he did not want the position because of everything the Producer role entails. So I took it up and tried my best to make it work.
A lot of things happened at this time:
1) The staff team was still short-handed, so rather than leave the GMH team with two people to cover four clans, I continued to effectively be a Producer, GMH admin, and helped with storytelling Kurac, at the same time. Between that, and financially supporting my parents and siblings in a (at the time) harrowing career in forensics, I was stretched extremely thinly.
2) Post-wiki-leak, the Producers became more concerned about the shadowboard and there was a collective effort to tie shadowboard accounts to IP addresses, and IP addresses to game accounts, to then blackmail players into deleting their shadowboard account by banning them from the game, telling them why they were banned and that they could be unbanned if they deleted their account, and then unbanning them after the deletion of their account had been confirmed. I was, to my shame, a part of that effort.
3) I realized that I was the only person effectively responsible for much of the rules enforcement duties Producers have since the other Producers didn't have the time or willingness to help.
4) I pushed for the reduction of staff alts from 5 to 1, and also tried to design other staff reforms that failed but I feel would have ultimately made the staff-player relationship fairer. Things like reducing redundancy on the staff team and empowering storytellers to run a wider variety of plots on their own without having to get Admin support, by merging the roles of Admin and Storyteller together.
5) I became concerned by the behavior of former staff members attempting to pull stunts and get away with it under the apparent presumption they would not get punished because they were favored by various staff members. Of particular note here is Blaze, who had a stretch of breaking some game rules, including failing to ask consent for a number of different kinds of public and private sexual scenes, and doing things that are technically not against the rules but are against the overall spirit of the game, such as arguing with random players via OOC command. When I proposed on the staff forum that his karma be reduced from 8 to 7, as one of the possible punishments outlined in the rules, I got a lot of pushback from other staff members - and although I could have unilaterally reduced his karma, I respected their wishes. While I was aware of some of his other stories of sexual weirdness I didn't want to condemn him on a gut feeling and risk pissing off half of the staff team in the process.
6) I became increasingly concerend by the behavior of fellow staff members using access to a bird's-eye view of the game world (or in admin's case, the runlogs) to keep tabs on certain players and staff alts. Mostly this appeared to be a sexual fixation, but there did occasionally appear to be incidents where staff were trying to get sociopolitical advantages over the people they were playing with.
7) I got vaguely threatening emails to my personal (not staff) account that contained my phone number, home and work address, and some other details, and also said that if I banned another player the information would be leaked. As I recall, I did end up banning another player after that and the infomation was not leaked, but I did get harassing phone calls from unknown numbers who would just call to yell into my ear, samples of adult diapers, a written letter saying I deserved to be castrated that also contained glitter in it for some reason, and so on. Having dealt with players who could best be described as mentally troubled as a helper and a staff member, I just assumed it was someone like that who saw me as an enemy of the players or the game. This treatment subsided after I quit but continued sporadically for about a year and a half, even after filing a police report about it, not truly ending until I changed my phone number and address.
Eventually, under the stress and pressure that I essentially put myself under, I publicly and privately snapped. In retrospect, I was disgusted with myself, the staff culture that threw me in the deep end of the pool with no help, the bullying that other producers deemed was a necessity for keeping certain players in line, and everything else related to that. If I could have done anything differently, I would have stepped away from Armageddon after Raleris's death, but assuming I joined staff I would have just remanied a storyteller instead of taking more and more duties upon myself.
For anyone who cares, I'm doing much better now, mentally speaking. I have a different job, a different environment and a better familial situation. My advice to any staff feeling under pressure to perform is to cut your losses while you still can. Find a way to enjoy Armageddon again, and if you can't find a way for it to bring you joy, then step away from it and find something that will.
---
I apologize to anyone who got caught up in anything I did or described doing here. The truth is I could have stopped at any time, but I just kept doubling down, and that was my ultimate undoing. It's a lot to mentally process now that I've been away from the game. I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, but it's healthy to get stuff off your chest, so if you want to do that in this thread or by PMing me, that is alright.
I was first invited to join the staff team while playing Raleris. If I recall correctly, it was Adhira who reached out to me and said I'm a good player and that I would make a good staff member. I thanked her for the compliment but declined to join the team because I was still in the midst of playing Raleris, still having a decent amount of fun with him, and wanted to finish his story out properly.
A few RL years later, Raleris reached the Nice age of 69, had all poor stats and 40 HP. Also House Winrothol's docs state the older Winrothols are generally mentally unstable, and I used think/feel to give him flashbacks of all the combat he got into as well as visions of his long-dead lover, as well as Muk Utep. It got to a natural point where he should probably pass away. And coincidentally, there was a call for staff at the time. So I applied, arranged his assassination by an Allanaki NPC with the staff, and by the time I was a storyteller I was able to watch Raleris's memorial service in the Sanctuary.
Naturally, due to my extensive experience with Tuluk, I was first assigned in that clan group, as a storyteller over the Legions. I provided some mild support there with Rathustra as my very enthusiastic administrator. But it only took a few months in that position before we were told by the Producers at the time that Tuluk would close. I was wary of closing an entire section of the game not only because I liked what Tuluk could be, but because that's usually the harbinger of decline for a roleplaying MUD. But beyond expressing my opinions on the matter, I lacked any real ability to argue about it. And so I assisted in the plotline surrounding Tuluk's eventual explosion of the interservice rivalry between the recently merged Jihaens and Lirathans that led to mind controlled people and the closure of Tuluk.
With the Tuluk team now nonexistent, I was moved to the GMH team. As I recall, Welda was my admin and I was storyteller for Kurac. I tried to empower the players in Kurac by making Ruke a lieutenant and giving a path for adoption into the House to Deidra. Given my unhealthily high activity levels staffside I was picked to replace Welda when they retired from staff, and with new staff rounds Cayuga and Ath were eventually on my team. I learned quickly that we were stretched pretty thinly and continued to serve in a storyteller capacity while admining, which was difficult. The storytellers under me also had to work with multiple clans. As an admin of the GMH team, my focus was on trying to set up conflict based on control of natural resources. Because Kurac was extremely strong in a code/combat sense, these projects necessarily had to saddle them with some sort of diplomatic disadvantage that the Agents and Fist leaders would have to close the gap on. On the other hand, Salarr and Kadius had the advantage of diplomatic channels in Allanak but no military force. So the three houses would have to find ways to compete for the resources. Unfortunately, many players weren't too interested, and those who were shut other people out of such plots. This continued as I became a Producer and continued trying to support these kinds of plots.
Incidentally, as a storyteller and as an admin I became increasingly aware that many people joined the staff team for the purposes of self-enrichment. Rather than helping out with the game they appeared to be more interested in the power that being on staff afforded them. Being able to watch anything anywhere (while playing, if you're an admin, or between play sessions if you're a storyteller), having karma, being able to create 5 mortal characters at a time, and so on all concerned me as avenues of corruption on the staff team. I was also concerned by staff favoritism toward players since this created cliques of players and staff that put a stranglehold on control over player-led and heavily staff-assisted plots; so-called "favorites" were getting approved for plot support on matters that other players had been previously denied for in similar circumstances, so I assumed the only difference was the player and the staff member they were asking.
Rathustra and I talked about which of us would become Producer to fill a vacancy. I think Rathustra's a good guy, pretty chill and very creative, and while he didn't outright say so I got the sense that he did not want the position because of everything the Producer role entails. So I took it up and tried my best to make it work.
A lot of things happened at this time:
1) The staff team was still short-handed, so rather than leave the GMH team with two people to cover four clans, I continued to effectively be a Producer, GMH admin, and helped with storytelling Kurac, at the same time. Between that, and financially supporting my parents and siblings in a (at the time) harrowing career in forensics, I was stretched extremely thinly.
2) Post-wiki-leak, the Producers became more concerned about the shadowboard and there was a collective effort to tie shadowboard accounts to IP addresses, and IP addresses to game accounts, to then blackmail players into deleting their shadowboard account by banning them from the game, telling them why they were banned and that they could be unbanned if they deleted their account, and then unbanning them after the deletion of their account had been confirmed. I was, to my shame, a part of that effort.
3) I realized that I was the only person effectively responsible for much of the rules enforcement duties Producers have since the other Producers didn't have the time or willingness to help.
4) I pushed for the reduction of staff alts from 5 to 1, and also tried to design other staff reforms that failed but I feel would have ultimately made the staff-player relationship fairer. Things like reducing redundancy on the staff team and empowering storytellers to run a wider variety of plots on their own without having to get Admin support, by merging the roles of Admin and Storyteller together.
5) I became concerned by the behavior of former staff members attempting to pull stunts and get away with it under the apparent presumption they would not get punished because they were favored by various staff members. Of particular note here is Blaze, who had a stretch of breaking some game rules, including failing to ask consent for a number of different kinds of public and private sexual scenes, and doing things that are technically not against the rules but are against the overall spirit of the game, such as arguing with random players via OOC command. When I proposed on the staff forum that his karma be reduced from 8 to 7, as one of the possible punishments outlined in the rules, I got a lot of pushback from other staff members - and although I could have unilaterally reduced his karma, I respected their wishes. While I was aware of some of his other stories of sexual weirdness I didn't want to condemn him on a gut feeling and risk pissing off half of the staff team in the process.
6) I became increasingly concerend by the behavior of fellow staff members using access to a bird's-eye view of the game world (or in admin's case, the runlogs) to keep tabs on certain players and staff alts. Mostly this appeared to be a sexual fixation, but there did occasionally appear to be incidents where staff were trying to get sociopolitical advantages over the people they were playing with.
7) I got vaguely threatening emails to my personal (not staff) account that contained my phone number, home and work address, and some other details, and also said that if I banned another player the information would be leaked. As I recall, I did end up banning another player after that and the infomation was not leaked, but I did get harassing phone calls from unknown numbers who would just call to yell into my ear, samples of adult diapers, a written letter saying I deserved to be castrated that also contained glitter in it for some reason, and so on. Having dealt with players who could best be described as mentally troubled as a helper and a staff member, I just assumed it was someone like that who saw me as an enemy of the players or the game. This treatment subsided after I quit but continued sporadically for about a year and a half, even after filing a police report about it, not truly ending until I changed my phone number and address.
Eventually, under the stress and pressure that I essentially put myself under, I publicly and privately snapped. In retrospect, I was disgusted with myself, the staff culture that threw me in the deep end of the pool with no help, the bullying that other producers deemed was a necessity for keeping certain players in line, and everything else related to that. If I could have done anything differently, I would have stepped away from Armageddon after Raleris's death, but assuming I joined staff I would have just remanied a storyteller instead of taking more and more duties upon myself.
For anyone who cares, I'm doing much better now, mentally speaking. I have a different job, a different environment and a better familial situation. My advice to any staff feeling under pressure to perform is to cut your losses while you still can. Find a way to enjoy Armageddon again, and if you can't find a way for it to bring you joy, then step away from it and find something that will.
---
I apologize to anyone who got caught up in anything I did or described doing here. The truth is I could have stopped at any time, but I just kept doubling down, and that was my ultimate undoing. It's a lot to mentally process now that I've been away from the game. I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, but it's healthy to get stuff off your chest, so if you want to do that in this thread or by PMing me, that is alright.
With friends I generally play MTG or board games.