Not to Distract from Nergal's Story, But Here's Mine:

My experience as a staffer at Armageddon, a hopefully not novel, by Boog(c)ayuga.



I am going to preface this by speaking of the terms in which I left. I left after a player told staff everything I'd told him about the game, and my gripes with other staff members, when I PKed his character. And honestly, I was okay with that. I never gave him live action updates, or told him to log on at specific times, but I will say that I'm not perfect myself. Beyond that, I also sometimes let other staff members color my opinions of players, and I'm sorry if any of that has ever hurt anyone's experience. I tried to be impartial and fair, and I regularly handed out kudos and karma to people who were doing great and who were underappreciated. Towards the end, I definitely had very little drive to log on or do anything at all, but that was because staff relations were really toxic, especially after Nergal left.



Adhira had once upon a time asked me to consider a staff role at Armageddon. However, I was, at the time, playing and staffing at another, now defunct MUD and told her I didn't have the time for it.



As soon as I returned to playing Armageddon semi-regularly for about a week, she asked me again, since she'd noticed my spike in activity levels.



I was assigned to work GMH under Nergal. At the time, I believe it was only Nergal, myself, and Ath, and that all the other teams had at least 3 storytellers and 1 admin. I had asked for Salarr to be my clan, because I figured it would be an easier clan to oversee, and to test the waters of staffing out. Ath was in charge of the Guild and Kadius. Nergal had Kurac + admin duties.



To begin with, I really enjoyed my time. I thought some of the bureaucratic stuff was unnecessary, like receiving approval and sponsorship for nearly any and every staff run plot, along with approval needed for custom/mastercrafts and new objects being made, but I trudged along.



I'd also like to think my players liked me. But, this sort of adoration they had for me sometimes soured relationships that I had with other staff members, who were at times petty, catty, callous, and downright mean. I remember having it thrown in my face a few times via private imm messages on the server that I hadn't gotten a kudos that week or month, but they did. Anyway, back to my essay.



Almost immediately upon joining staff, however, there were issues.



I was nonchalantly asked by Akariel one day if I could tell him how close his PC, some breed ranger who existed only to mudsex and hunt, was to branching a certain skill. He made it seem like it was okay, and so I told him. I'd asked for the same for my PC, since I was under the impression that was alright, and ended up being told to not do that again by our superiors. I should've ratted him out, but I tried hard not to be a snitch and to rock the boat too much, because I wanted to "make a difference," as I think all those who join staff initially feel.



Also, in regards to Akariel, that meatcraft stuff he did? I was constantly nagged to make crafts and items and to describe stuff for him and his project. He tried to cajole everyone he could into doing his work for this ridiculous overhaul that, while possibly needed, was too big in scope and took forever to complete. Was it ever even completed? I don't remember. I do remember hearing about a lot of bugs and glitchy items and crafts, though.



To his credit, and so people don't think I'm here simply to name-call and denegrate people, Akariel did work hard for the game. He was around a lot, though I think that was because he was able to work from home, but he did a lot of 'stuff' for the game.



Starting a few weeks prior to armageddon.org/updates/index.php?week=27&year=2016 (and thereafter, dear god, did I even have a life?) -- I'd begun doing more character applications. One account in particular died -a lot-, and I was instructed by staff, I distinctly remember Seidhr being a part of this discussion, that I needn't approve his new character applications so quickly. I felt bad, because while the player was a bit of a firebrand on the GDB, I also didn't want to keep him from playing. I think, eventually, he was told he could only have one new character per day.



However, during this time of me approving a lot of character apps, I let a few silly things slip. We're human, and we make mistakes. I'd let a couple of dumb things through, though none of them would've taken any time at all to fix with our character editor on the website: dwarves with hair, maybe someone wearing a cloak in the middle of their character description that I skimmed past. Apparently, however, Seidhr, who had approved 1 application that week, and the week after, to my 53 and then to my 40, thought that calling me either an idiot or a moron was alright and an acceptable thing to do to a newer staffer who was working hard. Before this, though, and possibly afterward, God knows I've tried to forget, he would make sly little comments or weirdly suggestive comments. I don't know if I have any logs, and if I do, I'd have to sort through them a ton because I tried to log as much as possible while I was away from the computer, so I could animate and have references for things my clan had discussed or said, or what have you.



I don't remember when Nergal was promoted to Producer, but he also still had to sort of oversee me and Ath on GMH. We had a few other staff members who came and went, but none really stuck around. Ath eventually became an Admin, and I remember at one point or another, I had to oversee all 3 GMHs by myself, and god dayum, was that not fun.



I suppose y'all really want the meat and potatoes of my gripes however. And I want people to know that it's okay for them to speak up about their bad experiences, and if you do, I will believe you.



Renenutet was able to stay with Borsail during every staff rotation for an unusually long amount of time. I do not want to diminish the achievements of her players and their characters by saying she definitely had favorites, but she did. One night, I'll never forget, there was a wish up for Rene for an RPT at the arena. She wasn't around, and so I zipped to the character to try to figure out the arena controls so they could have their event. I asked Akariel for help (I'm telling you, he was a hardworker, and always around), and we got the RPT going. However, when Rene found out, she was livid. She would frequently not talk to me for weeks because she was angry at me for something or the other -- usually, disagreements when it came to opinions on game happenings, or me saying I thought she was being too lenient and giving with people who hadn't done anything for the reward or boon they were receiving. She unfriended me on Facebook after years of being pals, and I'm pretty sure she blocked me. Maybe it was related to my opinion on Israel. Maybe it was staff related. Whatever it was, it was silly. I've never blocked or unfriended anyone over a damn game.



Akariel, you can see above. He used to send me stupid messages on FB that would gross me out while I was in the middle of intimate play. I didn't need live action updates on my roleplaying, or the person I was playing with. Overall, he was helpful, but I feel like there is a limit to the amount you should put into the game, and for him, it became his life. I was really happy to see that he'd left staff, because I want him to lead a productive and healthy life, not one chained to a dying game.



Seidhr was, as above, argumentative, hostile, and had a piss poor way of speaking with both players and staff. He was also a cheat. When you reach admin+ level on Armageddon, you're allowed to be on both your staff avatar and character at the same time. This allows staff who play sorcerers or psis (he had a sorcerer) to avoid any potential harm or threats from mobs or players. I think his sorcerer's name was Jah? I don't recall. He hung out with Rin and brought her kiyet and other 'rare' shit for her trading. Eyeroll. Oh, and he was a huge supporter of the custom craft system because he *hated* having to approve and look over custom crafts and new objects. Nergal and I had put in hundreds of new crafts and objects during a few of my item calls on the GDB. Seidhr told me, once he became my admin, that that was gonna be a thing of the past. I can't speak to how cumbersome the system might've been, because I never made admin, but if Nergal and I could churn that stuff out quickly and without issue ... Meh.



Brokkr was awful, too. He went MIA all the time, which, I'm glad he had a life and went camping, and he's one of the few staff members with a family, but it really put a dent in player relations. He was the head of the templars and I remember reading a huge, incredibly detailed report with questions (I liked to read all the reports I could), and he would reply in one word or one sentence answers, and sometimes close out the reports or requests before the player could even reply. Not only that, but the situation concerning HIS sorcerer, Silteyes, being able to steal an argosy, and his then ability when he made Admin+ to be able to see who was pursuing him so he could log off was awful.



Brokkr and Seidhr also both had kneejerk, mouth spittle reactions when I'd suggested that staff temporarily store their psions or sorcerers to allow players to play them. Nergal and I had discussed lowering the cap for these special roles because our max players at the time was about 50 to 3 a piece. This meant staff, at the time, were occupying 2/3 of the sorcerer slots. I had just rolled a pink-haired psi myself and stored her to free up that allocation for someone else. They both were livid and said that they wouldn't because they had rent to pay and in game stuff going on and the like. It was just a mess, and I think it speaks volumes about the sorts of staff members they were and possibly still are.



Nessalin has always been kind to me, though lately it seems he's pulled away. Even when I left staff, even after Adhira had suggested I come back under a different name because of all the good work I'd done for the game, he would occasionally send me memes over Facebook messenger. I met him, Nathvaan, and Tiernan in real life, and they ate pizza with me and my kids. I also remember being told by either Adhira or Talia that Nessalin hated resolving producer requests. I know recently he has been again, but with that plus Adhira's absence, Nergal was resolving most of the producer requests by himself and the imbalance of responsibility has always bothered me.



Nathvaan was always incredibly kind to me too, and helped me out a lot. But after I left staff, he stopped talking to me. He was always very particular about maintaining a stance of never discussing Armageddon and distinct IC/OOC lines, but I feel that, given his friends in real life, that perhaps he isn't as pristine as he wishes everyone else to be. That sort of feeling, too, when it comes to others, eventually polluted me. For a time, I was very belligerent when it came to those lines because that's what staff touted we should be. But I was guilty of being 'marred' myself. Unlike a lot of other staff, however, I owned up to my mistakes and I accepted responsibility for being a dumbass and left.



Loonsh? Does anything really need to be said? I've seen so much controversy and unhappiness surrounding him that I have little left to add, beyond what I've said in Discord. I almost feel pity for him. He's someone else who severed our years' long friendship over a game -- because apparently Shaleah and I are the same person, and if you hate one, you have to hate the other. I've seen accusations of him abusing other, former staff members, and I've seen how belligerent he could be to staff through requests at the time. He set up a lot of things OOCly, and while now I think playing with friends or what have you is a decent way to spend your time and would be more lenient about it were I staff, rerolling to play with the same player 3-5 (I forget the actual number) characters in a row is a little silly. That other player is also staff (during Nergal and Adhira's tenure, neither one of these people would've been made staff), and is someone who takes up for him regularly. -- I do hope that Loonsh gets help and finds himself healthy and happy in the years to come. But as it stands, I don't think Armageddon benefits from him the way it could were he happier and mentally healthy. Because, for all of his negatives, Shaloonsh -is- a creative and bombastic force. His writing is truly superb.



I just feel that staff, to a lot of people, represents a power grab. It gives a lot of these people a sort of power that perhaps they don't feel they have in real life, and some of them wield it like some kind of phallic scepter, and they hurt others with the power they should more carefully wield.



If I had to do it all over again, I would not try seeking the approval of my fellow staff members. It was all catty and vicious and simply ridiculous at times. I hope that atmosphere has changed, if only for newer players and newer staff.



I'll try to find receipts, though I'm not sure if I have access to a lot of Armageddon related stuff anymore. My external hard drive a few weeks ago said it wasn't recognized by my computer, and that's where I'd moved a majority of my logs, because let's face it, I didn't really want to consider all the hard work I'd given to the game I no longer can play again under the current administration.



I want everyone to feel like they can relate their stories about staff abuse. I realize this will probably crush any ties I have with Armageddon or its staff, but after being banned temporarily from Discord a while ago for talking about 'ongoing plots' (which was me discussing what I'd built with Nergal in regards to the glowing rock cave, and I'd no idea they had reopened it after we'd shut it because I don't even fucking play) without a warning or a deletion of what I'd say + verbal communication, I just can't give a rodent's rear end any longer.



Again, I'm sorry for anyone I might've hurt while on staff. I always tried to be incredibly impartial, but what they say about toxic environments is true: after a while, it can infect you, too. And to the staff I mentioned above, I don't hate any of you. I just think you need a fucking break from the game so you don't infect others.



Something that was said about Calavera to me once upon a time still holds true: the good staff rarely ever last long. And I think some of the above is a good indication as to why.