The Various Species of F(uck)-you's
Jan 9, 2015 6:30:36 GMT -5
lulz, Prime Minister Sinister, and 1 more like this
Post by Procrastination on Jan 9, 2015 6:30:36 GMT -5
The Various Species of F(uck)-you’s
[F-you’s is the new nickname for male f-me’s? I like it.]
Yea. You guessed it. I’ve gotten a couple requests for me to take a step back and look through for the male species counterparts. You lady playing PCs asked, and now I’m delivering. I locked and loaded my tranquilizer dart and prepared myself to go on the hunt. All you F-you’s, I’ve hunted you down. I’ve tagged and bagged quite a few; I’ve analyzed in depth, scribbling away at my virtual notepad like a certain Borsail noble. Hopefully this burns, and with any luck, it’ll be taken for the absolute humor it (like its counterpart) was intended to be.
1st. The Hulk - (s)He’s pretty easy to spot. Look for the huge guy with absolute bulging muscles, a monstrously thick body, and (yea, you guessed it ladies)a cock the size of a fucking Louisville Slugger. He’s not smart. He’s tough. He’s not friendly(to other males) because he’s gotta (HULK)smash(™?) or he won’t meet his quota of three f-me’s a week. The F-me’s who generally go to this fella are practically the high school cheerleaders of whatever you’re playing. Sad part? He’ll probably take up some of that limited population of non-f-me’s because even they’re just desperate to try something other than species #2.
2nd. The God - (s)He’s slim and muscular, but not too slim..or too muscular...but he gets the benefits of being both. You know, just slim enough to be not bulky while still being super hot like that fella (s)he saw one time on an Abercrombie bag. His abs? Probably rocking. They’re amazing, and he was born with them. Oh yea. When he came out, he was all abs and cock. Assuming you weren’t there to see him born, you can pick this one out usually by his ‘I think I’m cool’ demeanor, but his jokes and attitude don’t quite match up. You begin to get a sinking feeling he really thinks what he’s just said is funny, and a creeping awareness of this character’s social deficiency, perfect body aside. Spot’m ladies(and fellas). Wanna field test if your fella’s one? Get’m shirtless and see if he does any strange emotes that he thinks would be sexy for you ladies, but really just wanna make you laugh.
3rd. The Little Boy - This species...totally blew me away the first time I met one. I was convinced it was legitimate, and there are probably more than a few characters in the world who closely resemble but are in actuality -not- this one. Note, of the F-you’s, this one’s without a doubt the rarest I’ve ever seen. You think it’s a cool concept, there’s some depth to the little fella, but his references are a little too mature for his seemingly young age physically(or emotionally); he seems to push towards innocent sorts of cuddling or hugging that slowly becomes possessive. The apparent f-you status of him really only becomes absolutely noticeable when he makes a leap for something more and is shot down. Suddenly a character who for all purposes has never had a mother type figure and has always wanted one or build toward one(who he suddenly wanted to shove his hand in her shirt or pants) manages to throw off all those slow built bonds, as if his balls dropped overnight. Fuck you mothering him up ladies, he’s after one thing, even if his doe-eyes appealed to that matriarchal instinct in you.
4th. The Uniform - (s)He’s got a uniform, and he’s not afraid to use it! Soon as he’s part of a badass group, and got the shirt that says he can’t be whacked over the head with a sledgehammer(in public) he’s hot shit. His character was -designed- to use the local law enforcement or mercenary group just to get under that ankle length skirt of yours. He’s gonna have tough stories, and a dick that’s dare I say it, ‘uniform’ for all of the f-you’s. You’re hoping as you meet and get to know him there’s more to his character than twinking, trying to pick up chicks, and being an asshat with RPI virtual background backing him, and in truth there -should- be more for him. Sadly...there’s not. The uniform and lack of any creativity beyond new ways to be passive aggressive towards any guy talking to any girl at the bar are key to spotting him.
5th. TD&H - Uh...enough said? The first girl who made a stereotype of tall, dark, and handsome had an effect on the F-you population in a weird way. These guys are indeed tall usually, dark in complection(and general emo demeanor) and handsome(often times according to their actual description...how the hell did that pass? Handsome’s an opinion!). These are so standard off the factory line and bland as far as a player, and generally their boring behavior is apparent once you break past that initial 12 seconds of thought they put in to their backstory after spending all of four seconds on their physical descriptions. Try to do something strange or plot worthy? Something that involves anything other than progressing how tall, dark, and handsome he is besides sucking that ego and you’ll see him quickly back track.
6th. The Broken - Uh-oh ladies. This one’s a killer and extremely dangerous. I had to put on gloves just to type this down without my fingertips burning with the fires of hell(Drov, Hel, etc). He isn’t apparent by his physical description usually, though he *can* be. It depends. Look for the emo broken bastard who’s got not one but fifty odd fucking things going against him that either A. Leaves him broken enough that he needs you to put him back together(probably in your bedroom on your bed if he can push it in that direction), or B. Leaves him with this cold heart that you just *must* take a glass hacker to(I wish it’d be literally), or C. Gives him an insurmountable will that makes him brave or courageous and ignore the various things that should socially kill him, but in actuality provide some sort of pheromone that when combined with his broken demeanor draw you in like moths to the flame. Note: There are some characters with similar or very close designs to this that -are not- F-you’s. What makes him a Broken is when he only seems Broken if the situation is pushing for him to get you(or someone else) to touch his measuring stick. He’ll be perfectly logical and functional for all appearances and but break down back to day one the second you don’t give him his fix. Note: If exposed for being a Broken, they do this strange thing like an armadillo and defense curl, saying their character was just by design being a liar who tries to get into girls’(or other guy’s) pants. Sure. That’s fine. That’s no better though.
7th. The Denial - This one’s hard to spot, because the distinction comes as an OOC behavior, and is usually interbred across various F-you’s, leaving it hard to pin down at times. OOCly he’s never sexing anyone. His characters are always legitimate, and he’s always downplaying having ever done anything, and if he has at all, it was -just- for the story. Problem is...all his stories seem to go right to that, and he never once does anything to avoid it. If anything, his smooth talking character(an attribute present across -all- his characters) manages to always know exactly what(he thinks) all the ladies wanna hear. You girls(and guys) all laugh and chuckle to yourself behind the scenes, cause you spotted him for what he is, and listen to him blatantly lie, because you can recall all the times he practically begged for a couple paragraphs. It’s okay though, you don’t have to wonder to yourself, “Do they all know he’s so full of shit?” The answer is “Yes. We do.”. We just never correct him because we don’t wanna get a four page essay of excuses.
8th The Thug - He’s a vagabond, thug, alley rat, etc that does all the bad shit in the world, blah blah blah. Too bad when the bad shit gets serious, and it makes more sense for his character to have one offed more’n a few of the useless women(and men) in the area, he doesn’t. I’m sure it has nothing to do with him getting his pride’n’joy played with by these. When confronted with being an F-you, the response becomes, “Look, my character’s mean, he did this, this, this. Getting bitches(™?) is just a given.” The problem with this really comes down to the fact the thug is generic. It’s just a thug to give him an RP excuse to -not-quite-rape-but-force- someone to have sex with him. Some thugs are thugs. They’re mean, they do their things, they get their girls(and boys), etc. These ones though, they’re more concentrated on the sex...and that’s what makes them an F-you. The Real Thug (damn all these possible ™ s.) is the one who is about the big game. That’s what made them a thug. They wanted to get the big lootz, good life, and cool shit. Maybe dust a few who didn’t respect them. Sex is secondary, and they’re fine with going without long term if it benefits their real goals...which have nothing to do with sex. And let me tell you, if your argument is, “My thug’s just about getting the sex.” Or “My thug’s got three goals, one of them’s sex and that makes sense to me.” That’s fine. If you admit sex is a need for you as a player when you design the character...well, I’ve done my job. I’m just categorizing this type of male version of an f-me(AKA girl character who’s design is to get fucked). Saying your design is to get sex is the epitome of accepting being a f-you. Note: Not all thugs are Fake-Thugs. There are some that are legit. Catch them northside, chewing dem ankles and rats.
9th The Effeminate - I hesitated for a while to include this one, because I could practically hear the whining about unfairness and misogyny/etc, but in the end, I settled for putting it on here. Ninth on the list instead of tenth, because if I end it with that shit, this one’ll be too fresh on your mind and you’ll all be posting weird defense statements I don’t wanna hear about. You can spot this one by looking for the rather...to put it lightly, feminine man. There’s nothing wrong with that on its own. It’s the combination of feminine man+high sex drive+repressed desires that make this one stand out. These are almost always flat out gay, or bisexual, and again, nothing wrong with that, except for the fact the whole design is around getting the character laid. There’s little realism to the character and often times heavy breaks to immersion for people because the feminine man seems more...modern in his...characteristics. Lets go with that. That’s what this list is about...picking out the characters who in their design were designed around player intention specifically to get laid.
10th The First-Timer - Aw. This cute little fella. It’s an OOC thing. He’s a first timer. It’s odd and adorable in its own way. Funny thing is he doesn’t know he’s an f-you, or isn’t fully one yet. In his head he honestly believes he’s not in it for the sex. Really, these are the ticking time bombs that’re slowly pushing towards the next evolutionary step in the F-you species. They aren’t a really interesting concept character-wise, aren’t very devoted to anything, aren’t particularly good at anything and seem to be really generic characters, though they are obviously escaping reality into the game. You girls(and guys) can spot this one cause after their first time, they go through a metamorphosis, quickly realizing the potential for their desires to be fulfilled in a place far away from society, and they become...through a miracle of science, one of the other f-you’s! Key to this one is the obvious OOC+IC changes to character after sex. You’ll know it when you see it.
Bonus Round: Subspecies: The Deficiency- This F-you subspecies of the first timer took a strange evolutionary step, or possibly a one off mutation and just repeat cycles through its -own- lifecycle rather than changing to match its actual desires. It would be hard to spot this one or differentiate it from new players/standard species First-Timers, except that there’s this infinite virgin cycle, and the characters seem to reflect that.
Now for the disclaimer. Again, I remind you, start defending yourself, and you look silly and guilty. Again, the list is designed purely for satirical purposes, and yes, I know tons of characters can possibly fit into these categories even though they’re not F-you’s. I will remind anyone feeling critical, for the final time, what makes an F-me or F-you is the design is as such to get sex. If your character is all about sex, you’ve done that on your own. Now, the crediting to this goes to various girls/guys I’ve spoken with or interacted with over time, and if you’d like to tack on your own little bits and pieces or extra species, ladies and gents, feel free to. Now...I should’ve been asleep hours ago. I just keep putting it off...and putting it off...procrastinating is terrible. See you lovelies when I wake up. If you wanna yell and bicker or try to hurt my feelings, I’ll be in the mumble in the evening.
The flames of your wrath will naught but warm my coffee at two in the afternoon.
With the Utmost Love and Critical Affection,
~Crass
[F-you’s is the new nickname for male f-me’s? I like it.]
Yea. You guessed it. I’ve gotten a couple requests for me to take a step back and look through for the male species counterparts. You lady playing PCs asked, and now I’m delivering. I locked and loaded my tranquilizer dart and prepared myself to go on the hunt. All you F-you’s, I’ve hunted you down. I’ve tagged and bagged quite a few; I’ve analyzed in depth, scribbling away at my virtual notepad like a certain Borsail noble. Hopefully this burns, and with any luck, it’ll be taken for the absolute humor it (like its counterpart) was intended to be.
1st. The Hulk - (s)He’s pretty easy to spot. Look for the huge guy with absolute bulging muscles, a monstrously thick body, and (yea, you guessed it ladies)a cock the size of a fucking Louisville Slugger. He’s not smart. He’s tough. He’s not friendly(to other males) because he’s gotta (HULK)smash(™?) or he won’t meet his quota of three f-me’s a week. The F-me’s who generally go to this fella are practically the high school cheerleaders of whatever you’re playing. Sad part? He’ll probably take up some of that limited population of non-f-me’s because even they’re just desperate to try something other than species #2.
2nd. The God - (s)He’s slim and muscular, but not too slim..or too muscular...but he gets the benefits of being both. You know, just slim enough to be not bulky while still being super hot like that fella (s)he saw one time on an Abercrombie bag. His abs? Probably rocking. They’re amazing, and he was born with them. Oh yea. When he came out, he was all abs and cock. Assuming you weren’t there to see him born, you can pick this one out usually by his ‘I think I’m cool’ demeanor, but his jokes and attitude don’t quite match up. You begin to get a sinking feeling he really thinks what he’s just said is funny, and a creeping awareness of this character’s social deficiency, perfect body aside. Spot’m ladies(and fellas). Wanna field test if your fella’s one? Get’m shirtless and see if he does any strange emotes that he thinks would be sexy for you ladies, but really just wanna make you laugh.
3rd. The Little Boy - This species...totally blew me away the first time I met one. I was convinced it was legitimate, and there are probably more than a few characters in the world who closely resemble but are in actuality -not- this one. Note, of the F-you’s, this one’s without a doubt the rarest I’ve ever seen. You think it’s a cool concept, there’s some depth to the little fella, but his references are a little too mature for his seemingly young age physically(or emotionally); he seems to push towards innocent sorts of cuddling or hugging that slowly becomes possessive. The apparent f-you status of him really only becomes absolutely noticeable when he makes a leap for something more and is shot down. Suddenly a character who for all purposes has never had a mother type figure and has always wanted one or build toward one(who he suddenly wanted to shove his hand in her shirt or pants) manages to throw off all those slow built bonds, as if his balls dropped overnight. Fuck you mothering him up ladies, he’s after one thing, even if his doe-eyes appealed to that matriarchal instinct in you.
4th. The Uniform - (s)He’s got a uniform, and he’s not afraid to use it! Soon as he’s part of a badass group, and got the shirt that says he can’t be whacked over the head with a sledgehammer(in public) he’s hot shit. His character was -designed- to use the local law enforcement or mercenary group just to get under that ankle length skirt of yours. He’s gonna have tough stories, and a dick that’s dare I say it, ‘uniform’ for all of the f-you’s. You’re hoping as you meet and get to know him there’s more to his character than twinking, trying to pick up chicks, and being an asshat with RPI virtual background backing him, and in truth there -should- be more for him. Sadly...there’s not. The uniform and lack of any creativity beyond new ways to be passive aggressive towards any guy talking to any girl at the bar are key to spotting him.
5th. TD&H - Uh...enough said? The first girl who made a stereotype of tall, dark, and handsome had an effect on the F-you population in a weird way. These guys are indeed tall usually, dark in complection(and general emo demeanor) and handsome(often times according to their actual description...how the hell did that pass? Handsome’s an opinion!). These are so standard off the factory line and bland as far as a player, and generally their boring behavior is apparent once you break past that initial 12 seconds of thought they put in to their backstory after spending all of four seconds on their physical descriptions. Try to do something strange or plot worthy? Something that involves anything other than progressing how tall, dark, and handsome he is besides sucking that ego and you’ll see him quickly back track.
6th. The Broken - Uh-oh ladies. This one’s a killer and extremely dangerous. I had to put on gloves just to type this down without my fingertips burning with the fires of hell(Drov, Hel, etc). He isn’t apparent by his physical description usually, though he *can* be. It depends. Look for the emo broken bastard who’s got not one but fifty odd fucking things going against him that either A. Leaves him broken enough that he needs you to put him back together(probably in your bedroom on your bed if he can push it in that direction), or B. Leaves him with this cold heart that you just *must* take a glass hacker to(I wish it’d be literally), or C. Gives him an insurmountable will that makes him brave or courageous and ignore the various things that should socially kill him, but in actuality provide some sort of pheromone that when combined with his broken demeanor draw you in like moths to the flame. Note: There are some characters with similar or very close designs to this that -are not- F-you’s. What makes him a Broken is when he only seems Broken if the situation is pushing for him to get you(or someone else) to touch his measuring stick. He’ll be perfectly logical and functional for all appearances and but break down back to day one the second you don’t give him his fix. Note: If exposed for being a Broken, they do this strange thing like an armadillo and defense curl, saying their character was just by design being a liar who tries to get into girls’(or other guy’s) pants. Sure. That’s fine. That’s no better though.
7th. The Denial - This one’s hard to spot, because the distinction comes as an OOC behavior, and is usually interbred across various F-you’s, leaving it hard to pin down at times. OOCly he’s never sexing anyone. His characters are always legitimate, and he’s always downplaying having ever done anything, and if he has at all, it was -just- for the story. Problem is...all his stories seem to go right to that, and he never once does anything to avoid it. If anything, his smooth talking character(an attribute present across -all- his characters) manages to always know exactly what(he thinks) all the ladies wanna hear. You girls(and guys) all laugh and chuckle to yourself behind the scenes, cause you spotted him for what he is, and listen to him blatantly lie, because you can recall all the times he practically begged for a couple paragraphs. It’s okay though, you don’t have to wonder to yourself, “Do they all know he’s so full of shit?” The answer is “Yes. We do.”. We just never correct him because we don’t wanna get a four page essay of excuses.
8th The Thug - He’s a vagabond, thug, alley rat, etc that does all the bad shit in the world, blah blah blah. Too bad when the bad shit gets serious, and it makes more sense for his character to have one offed more’n a few of the useless women(and men) in the area, he doesn’t. I’m sure it has nothing to do with him getting his pride’n’joy played with by these. When confronted with being an F-you, the response becomes, “Look, my character’s mean, he did this, this, this. Getting bitches(™?) is just a given.” The problem with this really comes down to the fact the thug is generic. It’s just a thug to give him an RP excuse to -not-quite-rape-but-force- someone to have sex with him. Some thugs are thugs. They’re mean, they do their things, they get their girls(and boys), etc. These ones though, they’re more concentrated on the sex...and that’s what makes them an F-you. The Real Thug (damn all these possible ™ s.) is the one who is about the big game. That’s what made them a thug. They wanted to get the big lootz, good life, and cool shit. Maybe dust a few who didn’t respect them. Sex is secondary, and they’re fine with going without long term if it benefits their real goals...which have nothing to do with sex. And let me tell you, if your argument is, “My thug’s just about getting the sex.” Or “My thug’s got three goals, one of them’s sex and that makes sense to me.” That’s fine. If you admit sex is a need for you as a player when you design the character...well, I’ve done my job. I’m just categorizing this type of male version of an f-me(AKA girl character who’s design is to get fucked). Saying your design is to get sex is the epitome of accepting being a f-you. Note: Not all thugs are Fake-Thugs. There are some that are legit. Catch them northside, chewing dem ankles and rats.
9th The Effeminate - I hesitated for a while to include this one, because I could practically hear the whining about unfairness and misogyny/etc, but in the end, I settled for putting it on here. Ninth on the list instead of tenth, because if I end it with that shit, this one’ll be too fresh on your mind and you’ll all be posting weird defense statements I don’t wanna hear about. You can spot this one by looking for the rather...to put it lightly, feminine man. There’s nothing wrong with that on its own. It’s the combination of feminine man+high sex drive+repressed desires that make this one stand out. These are almost always flat out gay, or bisexual, and again, nothing wrong with that, except for the fact the whole design is around getting the character laid. There’s little realism to the character and often times heavy breaks to immersion for people because the feminine man seems more...modern in his...characteristics. Lets go with that. That’s what this list is about...picking out the characters who in their design were designed around player intention specifically to get laid.
10th The First-Timer - Aw. This cute little fella. It’s an OOC thing. He’s a first timer. It’s odd and adorable in its own way. Funny thing is he doesn’t know he’s an f-you, or isn’t fully one yet. In his head he honestly believes he’s not in it for the sex. Really, these are the ticking time bombs that’re slowly pushing towards the next evolutionary step in the F-you species. They aren’t a really interesting concept character-wise, aren’t very devoted to anything, aren’t particularly good at anything and seem to be really generic characters, though they are obviously escaping reality into the game. You girls(and guys) can spot this one cause after their first time, they go through a metamorphosis, quickly realizing the potential for their desires to be fulfilled in a place far away from society, and they become...through a miracle of science, one of the other f-you’s! Key to this one is the obvious OOC+IC changes to character after sex. You’ll know it when you see it.
Bonus Round: Subspecies: The Deficiency- This F-you subspecies of the first timer took a strange evolutionary step, or possibly a one off mutation and just repeat cycles through its -own- lifecycle rather than changing to match its actual desires. It would be hard to spot this one or differentiate it from new players/standard species First-Timers, except that there’s this infinite virgin cycle, and the characters seem to reflect that.
Now for the disclaimer. Again, I remind you, start defending yourself, and you look silly and guilty. Again, the list is designed purely for satirical purposes, and yes, I know tons of characters can possibly fit into these categories even though they’re not F-you’s. I will remind anyone feeling critical, for the final time, what makes an F-me or F-you is the design is as such to get sex. If your character is all about sex, you’ve done that on your own. Now, the crediting to this goes to various girls/guys I’ve spoken with or interacted with over time, and if you’d like to tack on your own little bits and pieces or extra species, ladies and gents, feel free to. Now...I should’ve been asleep hours ago. I just keep putting it off...and putting it off...procrastinating is terrible. See you lovelies when I wake up. If you wanna yell and bicker or try to hurt my feelings, I’ll be in the mumble in the evening.
The flames of your wrath will naught but warm my coffee at two in the afternoon.
With the Utmost Love and Critical Affection,
~Crass