Post by Procrastination on Dec 22, 2014 17:30:48 GMT -5
The Various Species of F(uck)-me’s
1st. The Socializer- S(he) insists OOCly that she’s not an f-me yet can’t really provide a single instance where she’s had some long term friendship with a character that hasn’t degenerated in some way to loose reasons to fuck.
SubSpecies- The Chameleon- You know she’s there. You just can’t quite spot her or pin her down. Her RPs damn good, her character doesn’t fit to be too pretty, but you can’t help but feel any actions or interactions you have together seem to really subtly push you towards that long sticky tongue that’s gonna drag you in so she can try to eat you. Worse than that? You haven’t seen your buddy Bob in three days.
2nd. The Sleeper- S(he)’s never writing, or really active outside s(or f)ucking you, like some sort of strange Sex Bear that comes out of hibernation long enough to breed and then eat, drink, and sleep it off until she needs to complete one of her three basic IC needs. Note: If one of her IC needs wakes her up, expect the other two to be met within twenty four hours.
3rd. The Porcupine- S(he)’s dangerous. She comes into the story as a rough and tumble style character that has all sorts of sad or bad shit happen to them. Expect it to be so damn sad that if your character was designed to have -any- sort of heart, she’s gonna pluck those strings like an old rattly guitar. Good news? She’s a great RPer. She’s going to have legitimate thoughts, feelings, and respond well to the environment. Bad news? This b(astard)itch is the Stephen King of your story, and about to bring all sorts of bad shit on your head down. Expect that if it -can- possibly go wrong, it will. And if it doesn’t make sense, she’s still gonna stick you with those quills, because her character from the start was made to build up negative drama, even when it hardly makes sense for a character that’s living in a place where every day you can have your perfect DD tits cut off for wearing the wrong color shoes.
4th. The Reptile - S(he)’s cold blooded. She’s a slow start, and essentially, she needs to heat herself up under a bit of conflict. Expect her to depend on some external source of conflict to put a bit of heat in the room. Heat, which conveniently gets her on the move and suddenly her character has all of these new ideas and personality traits that suggest some sort of critical flaw that’s been there from the start. The more frantic the environment, the more sexually active her character to becomes. This is *key* to recognizing the reptile. As the heat dies down, so does this below average endurance lady who’s got a real hunkering for sudden life choices sparked by either full nuts, or incoming menopause.
5th. The Sugar - S(he)’s actually easy to recognize. She’s waaaaay to pixie-like for the environment or area, waaaay too cute, and worse than that? She’s always cheerful and always looking to find something ‘fun’ to do. At first, you just assume she’s playing a hyperactive character who’s probably more than a little broken by the harsh environment and life long dehydration. Then you start noticing that though she’s sweet as can be, she’s sweet with certain type, and -not- picky inside that type. Expect that if she’s turned down, she’ll resort to her first(and only) signature move. The crybaby. She’s going to talk to someone, whine to someone else, etc, and the one instance of you ‘not being interested’ suddenly becomes a real personal issue. Expect this to follow you around. Smell that? It’s not your backpack some pickpocket just put shit in for giggles. It’s every masculine guy in the game looking for the first chance to get some skill ups, and Sugar has just assuaged his ego in a way that’s gonna make him try to knock your dick in the dirt.
6. The History-onic(that’s a joke)- S(he)’s gonna be a character who totally shouldn’t be seductive, and yet is. She uses sex, high strung IC(you hope) emotions, and just generally a ridiculous sandstorm of actions and the smallest of interactions to cause extreme swings of near stereotypical craziness. She’s going to have a high need for attention, make loud and inappropriate appearances, exaggerate her behaviors, and crave stimulation. She fits into this one only if she insists that her character acts that way because of IC things having happened to her, and yet there’s a startling level of parallels to be drawn in the events that have or are happening to her in reality. Expect the drama to extend OOCly.
7. The Only Fish - S(he)’s not really a good RP character. She’s not the most attractive. Her character isn’t interesting, and honestly, if it weren’t so damn boring spending time with VNPCs, she’d probably never even be spoken to past the first one. You’re almost sure she picked to spend time around or in this area specifically because the lack of other f-me’s. In the overall bunch of ‘em, this f-me’s an omega. She’s just not completely dumb. Besides the obvious guy chasing.
8. The Mastermind - S(he)’s a fairly good RPer, her character does seem to interact alright in the environment for the most part, and isn’t totally outside the story. Her character is probably passably attractive, and will sometimes fit the ‘one interesting trait’ stereotype. The thing that marks her as the mastermind, and eventually shows how she blends in so well as to nearly avoid being an F-me is her target. She’s a selective f-me that’s been designed with one person in mind, or has selected one in particular, and the way you’ll know she’s a mastermind, is that she’ll tell -you- that your character should be attracted to her, even when you’re not. She’s the mastermind. She knows what she designed her character for, and she knows what your character wants. S(he) thinks.
9. The Parasite - S(he)’s a hard one to identify, and you may be wondering if she’s the chameleon once you start catching onto her. The difference between the parasite and the chameleon lies in the effect upon the populace long term. See, she’s a one at a time girl, which considering most f-me’s quickly narrows down the species to a couple. You can expect her to not be too pretty, or too ugly usually, and she’s going to be decent at most interactions in the game. You can identify her usually by the timeline of her relationships. First, she sinks her hooks into someone. Then, a happy relationship forms. If you’re friends with the fella, or gal she’s with, you’ll notice your friend driven to exhaustion, and within a couple of weeks, the character will have lost most enjoyment in their life, usually because of tiny nitpicking that escalates. The next phase is usually pretty obvious. Characters go to extreme lengths to get away from the parasite. Death usually follows. Really though, this is a blessing, as the parasite has already sucked out most of their life. The Parasite is different from the rest in that even though all of her past boyfriends or partners have died off to this or that suddenly or to things they probably wouldn’t normally, there’s no growth exhibited by her character. Her behaviors don’t change with lessons learned, and her character never evolves beyond being a simple organism with a need for others to have purpose, usually draining them dry before they disappear.
10. The Strange - S(he)’s into whatever’s tough and weird, and she’s obvious about it. Her character’s stupid good looking and somehow is totally uncaring to how fugly, strange, or just out of place your character would be. She’s the reporter gettin’ ganged by the four ninja turtles. You can still expect her to have an alternating favorite though. Again, easiest identifying trait of this species is her being a bombshell, while the things she’s interested in are really disgusting. She’s going to tell your character how she can look past your oddities so easily, but then act like your character owes her something for doing so.
There are quite a few species or subspecies, and I’m going to up front say that there may or may not be characters that fit the bill of these species, and are -not- f-mes. On the other hand I’m not hating on players that wanna make f-me’s. I think almost any character has a place in the setting given the right circumstance, and this list is intended for purely satirical purposes, while at the same time, it may provide a bit of a refreshing look at the things that are more commonly accepted in the world. Take it for what it’s worth, have a chuckle, and move on. I also invite people to add to the list, or to include subspecies they’ve found. Even funnier? Make an f-me using this list as a guide for your design, and have a chuckle at how effective it is.
I had a bit of help organizing my thoughts and separating the species, I’ll admit. So thanks to Rogue, Top, Bitter, Prince and maybe a bit unwittingly a few others. They’ll remain unnamed until I remember them.
