Random thoughts and comments

Literally read the post on this forum saying something like
"I debated killing my self but thats irl"
Like come on
I haven't even read the shit on the channels.

If everyone is a dick for not wanting to see you post 4 pages of 'I hate staff' 'I apologize to staff' 'I want to die' 'I'm crazy' then everyone here is secretly a dick because no one should encourage this.

Anyway, shut up about it already. I've already conceded a bunch of points and deleted a bunch of posts, and resolved to do as people advised. Right now you two are essentially whining about people whining and how upset it makes you, when it's already done with. And they call ME crazy. Sheesh.

Thanks Jenki, and, well said. I know far too many people who can never accept the idea that they might be wrong about something, and far from growing or learning in any way, they actually get worse as they get older. Being able to look at something and admit "Yeah, I fucked up here." is not the easiest route, in the short-term anyway, but the long-term benefits are worth the hassle of swallowing your damn pride and saying, yep, fucked up again.

Yeah, at first I did blame staff, then fellow players unjustly. It's a bad habit from the days of Nyr, however, which, I'm sure many here can understand THAT feeling. It is, as others have said, I should have known going into it that it would quite likely have that result, and if I wasn't prepared for that result, chosen to simply not be there. That option was available to me. I chose not to take that option because I felt it wouldn't be in character, so, I get what I get.

Trump 2016

#thanksobama

Actually Lyse, I'm pretty well fucked in the head. I cope with it rather well, having read up on the various issues I need to keep an eye out for, the underlying structural differences, blah blah blah, and had to carefully consider how I look at the world and what I need to change, in order to function in a manner that's not outright destructive. Lot of soul searching and all that. I know it's easy to take sanity for granted, and it's easy to assume ulterior motives on the part of one lacking it for their behavior, but honestly weird shit goes on in my head (as anyone here well knows). It's not me asking for sympathy, though some is appreciated, I know people I can talk to who will willingly help me out with that, it's that genuinely this thing I bitched about appeared to me to be something it wasn't, thanks to all who pointed it out to me, even if maybe you were abrasive in doing so, it's understandable, since I know I have a tendency to grate on people's nerves, mostly because it's difficult for people to have any frame of perspective on where I'm coming from without a goddamn college degree, and even those are questionable.

It's actually bad enough that I can walk into a room of professionals, all skeptical, with plenty of reason to deny my case, with no representitive, no acting whatsoever involved, paperwork going back well over ten years from various doctors, all consistent, and walk out with a damn medicaide card and a check. Am I proud of that? No, not by any means. Am I relaying this to get sympathy? Also no, that would be a mistake since I don't expect half of you to even begin to understand much about what I deal with...

But I am, by no means, the only one with a history of mental health troubles to play this game. In all honesty, I'd estimate at least half the playerbase has some issue, whether bipolar, borderline, autism, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, psychopathy, post traumatic stress disorder, or some form of brain damage, or any possible combination of those. I am not the only player to have a meltdown over here, or even more than one such meltdown, and some of the more epic meltdowns are from far better players than I...

... so if your argument is, "Yeah, but you're crazy.", and that's all it boils down to, I think you need to take a long look around, not just here, but the playerbase in general. That's a lot of people you're calling out, some of whom add a lot of flavor and excitement to the game.

EDIT: Lyse, past the first paragraph the "you" is generalized. I'm just pointing out some considerations in my rambling way, and I took no offense to your post. Rereading this I realized its meaning was rather unclear.

Oh grumble! You aren't the first to play the game with mental health issues and you won't be the last. It's pretty well known people use role play to work out...things.

The point was rage on or...don't. It's not right to jump on you for being you,it's not like you broke up some serious discussion with your stream of consciousness. You stopped and you reevaluated, so no need to keep poking at you.

And don't be hard on yourself or your characters. You make a scene interesting and you know when your character is in the room you're compelled to roleplay. That's always a good thing!

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”