Post by nergal on Mar 30, 2020 8:57:11 GMT -5
There is a new page on Mental Health in r/MUD that has some good advice on self-care in toxic gaming communities. Figured I'd post it here so that anyone who needs to read it, can find it:
www.reddit.com/r/MUD/wiki/mentalhealth
If you don't want to or can't click Reddit links for whatever reason, here is the full text:
www.reddit.com/r/MUD/wiki/mentalhealth
If you don't want to or can't click Reddit links for whatever reason, here is the full text:
Your MUD has become overbearing, and you can't stand another day of playing it. You feel torn between staying and leaving, with a strange fear you feel in considering going. Does this describe you? Then you might be in a toxic situation. It's time to decide what to do about it.
Each person has their own definition about what makes a gaming community toxic. The only thing that's important here is your definition. Are you not okay with the MUD's playerbase or administration? Are you unable to deal with them anymore? Do you feel stressed out when you think of logging in again? Then it's definitely time to go.
But if you find it difficult to leave your MUD due to how long you've spent there, this article is for you. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to break ties with your MUD.
Don't tell anyone you're leaving. People will only use this to prolong you staying, threaten you with in-game things they can "take away" from you, or ban you for an arbitrary reason. If you intend to leave, none of those threats will work anyway. Keep your plans to yourself at first so that you can follow through with resolve. You can use common spaces like r/MUD and social MUDs to find your old playing buddies again once you're out.
Establish a presence for yourself in a social MUD in order to get a feeling of "home" somewhere else. You can also use a community Discord to this end. You need somewhere you can belong so that you can begin the process of disconnecting emotionally where you came from. Pick a place you don't consider addictive, that lets you carve out your own space (ie, you can build things yourself there, etc). Do NOT jump back into an addictive game immediately. You might compound your sadness or end up in a worse place.
Address your grievances. Right now, you're probably sad. You have a lot of memories lingering of where you just left, and you're likely second-guessing your decision. Several things:
Whatever happiness you had there wasn't enough to keep you. It isn't worth going back.
You are not your character. If the game's admins choose to do something to the character you had once they know you're gone, it proves how terrible they are. Don't interact with them; it's only meant to pull you back in. Think of an abusive ex who taunts about how s/he has some small thing you left behind at their place. Just how important is it, anyway?
It's okay to be angry that you spent so much time where you were. Don't attack yourself for it. You couldn't have known things were going to be this bad.
Let yourself be depressed. Don't wallow in that swamp, but let yourself wade through. There's greener pastures on the other side.
After you get through the initial depression, you'll want to warn others so they don't make the same mistake you did. Leave a review about the game if you need to, so that all reviews can be seen by new players and judged accordingly. Remember, you can't save everyone. Some people will read those reviews and decide the risk is worth it. That's on them, not you. One day, they'll leave their own review when they find out what you were talking about.
Get back to your own life. Who were you before you joined that MUD? You spent time on a character and writing certain things about them. If that character could impart any wisdom to you about your life, what would they say? Your creation was a jigsaw piece, but you're the puzzle. You are grander and more complex than they could ever be. The little piece of yourself you gave to others in the time you played that MUD, take it back by reexamining who you are. You are great, and you deserve to celebrate yourself.
You might need to talk out your feelings of loss and betrayal to someone. I recommend a mental health app such as Woebot, if you can't call a therapist. It's okay to feel pain over a community you had to walk away from. Repressing your feelings might lead to worse situations, so be sure to take care of yourself if you need it.
Don't hold on to what happened. Don't be like Killmonger from Black Panther. Killmonger had valid grievances for his anger and his life, but then eventually his hate overtook him and he became what he despised. Killmonger Syndrome will turn you into a shadow of yourself. Criticism of the MUD you came from is not the same as hurling insults at players who are still there. Telling the difference means the world about how you cope and how you appear to others. It can also eventually save you from yourself.
SOCIAL SPACES: Chatmud: grapevine.haus/games/ChatMUD
TALKING IT OUT: Woebot: woebot.io/ KindVoice Reddit: www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/
(authored by /u/cake-for-breakfast)
Each person has their own definition about what makes a gaming community toxic. The only thing that's important here is your definition. Are you not okay with the MUD's playerbase or administration? Are you unable to deal with them anymore? Do you feel stressed out when you think of logging in again? Then it's definitely time to go.
But if you find it difficult to leave your MUD due to how long you've spent there, this article is for you. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to break ties with your MUD.
Don't tell anyone you're leaving. People will only use this to prolong you staying, threaten you with in-game things they can "take away" from you, or ban you for an arbitrary reason. If you intend to leave, none of those threats will work anyway. Keep your plans to yourself at first so that you can follow through with resolve. You can use common spaces like r/MUD and social MUDs to find your old playing buddies again once you're out.
Establish a presence for yourself in a social MUD in order to get a feeling of "home" somewhere else. You can also use a community Discord to this end. You need somewhere you can belong so that you can begin the process of disconnecting emotionally where you came from. Pick a place you don't consider addictive, that lets you carve out your own space (ie, you can build things yourself there, etc). Do NOT jump back into an addictive game immediately. You might compound your sadness or end up in a worse place.
Address your grievances. Right now, you're probably sad. You have a lot of memories lingering of where you just left, and you're likely second-guessing your decision. Several things:
Whatever happiness you had there wasn't enough to keep you. It isn't worth going back.
You are not your character. If the game's admins choose to do something to the character you had once they know you're gone, it proves how terrible they are. Don't interact with them; it's only meant to pull you back in. Think of an abusive ex who taunts about how s/he has some small thing you left behind at their place. Just how important is it, anyway?
It's okay to be angry that you spent so much time where you were. Don't attack yourself for it. You couldn't have known things were going to be this bad.
Let yourself be depressed. Don't wallow in that swamp, but let yourself wade through. There's greener pastures on the other side.
After you get through the initial depression, you'll want to warn others so they don't make the same mistake you did. Leave a review about the game if you need to, so that all reviews can be seen by new players and judged accordingly. Remember, you can't save everyone. Some people will read those reviews and decide the risk is worth it. That's on them, not you. One day, they'll leave their own review when they find out what you were talking about.
Get back to your own life. Who were you before you joined that MUD? You spent time on a character and writing certain things about them. If that character could impart any wisdom to you about your life, what would they say? Your creation was a jigsaw piece, but you're the puzzle. You are grander and more complex than they could ever be. The little piece of yourself you gave to others in the time you played that MUD, take it back by reexamining who you are. You are great, and you deserve to celebrate yourself.
You might need to talk out your feelings of loss and betrayal to someone. I recommend a mental health app such as Woebot, if you can't call a therapist. It's okay to feel pain over a community you had to walk away from. Repressing your feelings might lead to worse situations, so be sure to take care of yourself if you need it.
Don't hold on to what happened. Don't be like Killmonger from Black Panther. Killmonger had valid grievances for his anger and his life, but then eventually his hate overtook him and he became what he despised. Killmonger Syndrome will turn you into a shadow of yourself. Criticism of the MUD you came from is not the same as hurling insults at players who are still there. Telling the difference means the world about how you cope and how you appear to others. It can also eventually save you from yourself.
SOCIAL SPACES: Chatmud: grapevine.haus/games/ChatMUD
TALKING IT OUT: Woebot: woebot.io/ KindVoice Reddit: www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/
(authored by /u/cake-for-breakfast)
